As men, we are blessed with the amazing gift of stupidity. Completely aloof, and happily being so, to our partners emotional and physical needs. WE ARE MEN! We are warriors equipped with sexual fire able to conquer any love fortress. We are the shirtless Adonis’ covering romance novels world wide…we are standing strong and proud, adorned in Native American war paint, as our faithful and heated women kneel submitted, clutching our bulging thighs. YES!…we are men. YES!…we keep telling ourselves that.
As a single man approaching thirty, I look back on all my past relationships for themes, common denominators and issues that I can improve on for any partnership that may present itself in the future. Without going too far in-depth, I would like to share with you one of my discoveries. My ego has always made excuses for that one unused cucumber being in the fridge. “Shes probably just making a salad, or starting a new heath & beauty regiment.” I would confidently tell myself. Days later the refrigerator would be stocked with a new cucumber, no salad to speak of, and the bags under her eyes looked as though they were packed for summer vacation(my insensitivity and over sharing would definitely be another parallel for my failed relationships, but that will be saved for a different post). All those years, my chin held high because of the soft and satisfied glow of my loved ones face, were washed away by a 12 inch gourd. You might be starting to ask yourself what all this has to do with cocktails…nothing really. Lets move on, shall we? Here is a great summer drink I would like to share utilizing this massive member:
The Cucumber Daiquiri
2 oz. White Rum
.75 oz. Fresh Lime
.75 oz. Simple Syrup
2 inches peeled cucumber
1 pinch kosher salt
Muddle cucumber and salt in mixing glass. Combine all other ingredients into mixing glass. Shake vigorously with ice and double strain into coupe glass. I garnish with a floating cucumber wheel.
The beauty of this simple cocktail is that you can build on it. Toss in some Tabasco, throw in some mint, maybe try different bitters or split up your rums. Try it with Gin, half the cucumber, mint, rosewater and Angostura…you will then have Toby Maloneys Juliet & Romeo.
Disclaimer: The story above is entirely fictional. Any persons referred to in said story is entirely fictional. Any likeness will be deemed purely coincidental. I am truly awesome in bed, any reference otherwise was for pure entertainment value.